I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
