operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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