In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
