can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
