I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
