herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
