There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
