Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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