guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
