Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
