how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
