Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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