Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
