maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
