they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
