I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
