he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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