census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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