my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
