once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
