Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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