he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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