Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No subtext here. People are naked.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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