If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No subtext here. People are naked.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
