There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
