So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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