1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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