Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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