I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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