...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just high enough for therapy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
