I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I need to stop coming to work sober
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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