Duck Duck Cougar?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
