if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
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It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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