Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize