M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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