Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
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she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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