I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
