wat bout pragnant strippers??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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