When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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