I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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