we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
