your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
