Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
