i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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