Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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