your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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