We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
