i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You've changed since you got that strap on
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
