I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
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she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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