Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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