You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
