Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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