I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
