I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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