So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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