So drunk its hurt
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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