I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
