Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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