"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
