jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
