I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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