If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize