Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
