Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
