i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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