Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
