your parents love me but you hate me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
