ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
