God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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