You're my little dorito
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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