if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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