So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
