college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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