Well douche your snatch and let's go!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
